Wednesday, April 22, 2009


I hate it, I fear it, I wish it didn't exist. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it. I know it is all part of the plan and I do believe in life after death. However I miss those who have died. I miss my Grandma and Grandad Dickerson, my Grandma and Grandpa Branscom, my good friends Jacqui Looney and Jana Walls.

I mourn the death of those I have never met! Princess Di, Pedro from the Real World, Anna Nicole Smith, Heath Ledger. It takes me about a month to get over someone's death to where I don't think about it every day and that is just for those I have never met. It takes me much longer to get over death when it is someone I care about. I am sad when animals die.

I hate getting older. I just started to learn how to enjoy life and I feel that mine is now about half over! And it freaks me out that the first half went by so fast. I fear the day I lose one of my parents and I think about that every day. I could not imagine life without them. I have about 20 more years to have my parents, if I am lucky. That is how old my son Colin is and it seems like yesterday he was born! The time goes by so fast.

I have started to reconnect with friends from high school and regret not keeping in touch with them. It is hard to comprehend that we are in high school 4 short years however they seem to have an impact on our entire lives. The friendships made during those years carry on with us for a life time. At the time high school seemed to last forever.

When Christ and Satan presented their plans in the preexistence I am sure I was one of the people on the fence. To me Satan's plan sounded good because we would just come to earth to receive a body and return. I am assuming the veil would not exist so we would remember the preexistence. I would bet that my family had to remind me why the Saviors plan was the right choice and pull me to the Saviors side.

I don't want to die! I don’t' want anyone close to me to die. You would think that I would take better care of myself and become healthy so I could live longer. However, when you are an addict you don't think of the consequences of your actions. You just feed the addiction.