Wednesday, April 22, 2009


I hate it, I fear it, I wish it didn't exist. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it. I know it is all part of the plan and I do believe in life after death. However I miss those who have died. I miss my Grandma and Grandad Dickerson, my Grandma and Grandpa Branscom, my good friends Jacqui Looney and Jana Walls.

I mourn the death of those I have never met! Princess Di, Pedro from the Real World, Anna Nicole Smith, Heath Ledger. It takes me about a month to get over someone's death to where I don't think about it every day and that is just for those I have never met. It takes me much longer to get over death when it is someone I care about. I am sad when animals die.

I hate getting older. I just started to learn how to enjoy life and I feel that mine is now about half over! And it freaks me out that the first half went by so fast. I fear the day I lose one of my parents and I think about that every day. I could not imagine life without them. I have about 20 more years to have my parents, if I am lucky. That is how old my son Colin is and it seems like yesterday he was born! The time goes by so fast.

I have started to reconnect with friends from high school and regret not keeping in touch with them. It is hard to comprehend that we are in high school 4 short years however they seem to have an impact on our entire lives. The friendships made during those years carry on with us for a life time. At the time high school seemed to last forever.

When Christ and Satan presented their plans in the preexistence I am sure I was one of the people on the fence. To me Satan's plan sounded good because we would just come to earth to receive a body and return. I am assuming the veil would not exist so we would remember the preexistence. I would bet that my family had to remind me why the Saviors plan was the right choice and pull me to the Saviors side.

I don't want to die! I don’t' want anyone close to me to die. You would think that I would take better care of myself and become healthy so I could live longer. However, when you are an addict you don't think of the consequences of your actions. You just feed the addiction.


Weidner Clan said...

Whatever, Im sure you were one of the first people to volunteer and pursuaded others to make the right choice too. Satan knows your soul is strong and works harder on you. Your life may be "half over" but at least you didnt wait until you were on your death bed to get your crap together. Doing it now at least gives you more time to enjoy it all. Plus, because you have finally stopped fence sitting here on earth, your less likely to be swayed to leave again in these Latter Days.

So go dump that pop out and drink some Sxinney!

Heath694 said...

Brenda, one thing I have learned in the past year is that death is not final. I know that with a clarity I can't define. Dying is only one part of life and without death there would be no life. The people who have gone on before us are happier than we can possibly understand...beyond our capacity to imagine. That in and of itself is comforting to me. Do I still miss my siser (for example)?? Every day, but she lives in my memories of her and she lives in my heart and that is incredibly comforting. Also, choosing this plan is what has made us be able to have bodies in the first place. What you're describing would not have been an option if we wanted to gain fall = no physical bodies at all. Worrying about dying just makes you unhappy...try to remember the big plan in the BIG scheme of things!! When someone dies they see their loved ones, they get to be with Christ again and they cannot feel any pain every again. That sounds pretty sweet to me! I know it scares you and that is a valid fear. I hope you can try and look at it another way!!

staceygriff said...

I like that you mentioned the people you mourn that you haven't met yet. I do the same. River Phoenix is one of those for me. Death is sad and especially in those that are young and have their whole lives ahead of them. Heather said everything that I would want to say. Also true that worrying about death can make you unhappy and worry about the future when you need to focus on the now and be present in it. Think of the now and all the happy things in your life. You have a child(well not a child anymore) when so many cannot have one. You have a great job with an awesome boss, you have a great home as well. You went through the temple, you are active again which brings so many wonderful blessings. All of those things equal happiness and life. Love you. Oh btw who is Pedro?